On Death

Had I been Catholic, and had thoughts killed, I would be in hell a thousand times over. Worries over stuff to be done (homework, research papers and the works) had driven me many a time to think whether jumping off the balcony (since I did live on the ninth floor after all) is worth getting away from those matters. It would be ridiculously simple. Looking around, I observe no one awake. Who would be awake at three A.M.? The chill morning breeze freezes me slightly, beckoning me towards the concrete balcony. I look downwards, noting the leaves in the shrubs below swaying with the wind. The dim yellowish lights help accentuate the atmosphere even more, providing a sense of peaceful finality. What I merely need to do is lean slightly forward, and then let gravity do the rest.

You may argue that whatever problems I may face is not so grave after all, so just live with it, but that, might I remind you, is not a solution, but just another way to hide from the reality. However you may view this matter, before you choose to comment, I would like to kindly remind you that this is my story, and I reserve the right to be slightly selfish. d: And also before you choose to shower me with advice on not to kill myself, I would like to kindly remind you that I am here still alive and typing this entry, not six feet under, where your words wont even matter (which ironically, would be where they are needed).

Morbid thoughts about death like this might be my way of dealing with the stress in me. In a way, it amuses me to no end how many different reasons I could come up with for and against the notion. Today, however, I am not about to delve deeply into my suicidal thoughts. Today, I am here to simply to talk about the thoughts in my mind.

Everyday, all of us live assuming that there is a tomorrow. 6 billion people, lost in the sands of time, thinking and working toward a tomorrow which may not even come. What happens if tomorrow doesn’t come? What happens when we die? Perhaps, one of the greatest questions of mankind. According to some religions, when we die, we either go to heaven or hell. In others, we experience reincarnation and are reborn into this cycle of life. Science, which we have come to rely so much upon, unfortunately, does not completely answer this question. To the scientists, when we die, our body ceases to function, and we will decompose, eventually turning to ashes and dust. Perhaps, then, our thoughts too will die, and we, like the computer, will simply shut down and know no more.

I admit, I am afraid. Honestly, who isn’t? A wise person once said, ‘Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst’. What is the worst, really? An immortal soul, as said in religious text, fated to reincarnate or live forever in heaven or hell? Or just our material body, fated to return to oblivion? People play with the idea that our thoughts will live beyond the ‘passing’ of our body. But, with no empirical fact whatsoever, how are we to know? To confirm?

To me, the worst is not to rot in hell. The worst that could happen to someone after death, is to NOT have a life after death, and this is what terrifies me the most. I am a heretic, here at this predicament by choice. But at least, I rest knowing I am prepared for the worst. Have you? Thus, I leave you with a reverse version of Pascal’s Wager and also another saying, ‘Live every day as if it is your last. That is the secret to happiness.’

P.S. I had not meant this post to be so negative, but it just came out. Or maybe I’m just sleepy. Just food for thought. d:


1 Comment »

  1. eve. said

    mm.. about death… no idea. tho i did find the philosophy “course” on Yale’s Open College? thingy quite … fun. =P

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