Drifting to Sleep

Nature should really impose a limit on how tired you can feel. When pangs of exhaustion hits you in waves, the world just seems to fade into black and white and your mind will do no more than long for the bed. Sometimes I wonder if I should embrace this exhaustion and learn to adapt to it; or should I fight it, and let my mind shut off periodically to preserve my sanity. All things considered, I did not go on with either earlier, which could also explain this incoherent and illogical entry: This probably the best a half-sane person could do.

Life also has a tendency to torture us all, with its many quirks and dents that threaten to ensnare us at every nook and corner. This imperfect world that we live in forces us to try to make the best out of our life, while also trying to hinder us along our way. Its behaviour is akin to a spoilt child that is accustomed to getting its way in whatever it does, and we are but a new toy that had been accidentally and mistakenly, perhaps, given the ability to judge and think; and so, also given the ability to defy and deny it. Such is the whim of the god that created this world, supposedly almighty, but indecisive all the same.

I had always thought as a young child that perspectives change when you get older, and such is true. Furthermore, the laws of inertia not only apply to matter, but thoughts, beliefs and ideals as well. As for beliefs and ideals that had lasted for millenia at end, radical new ideas that contradict it is but heresy, and is thus labelled as so and trampled underfoot. Many a revolutionary, for better or worse, had been decapitated or burned for but their ideals. The truth remains, that while we are shocked by the atrocities of our time, the true atrocity is the denial of our mind itself to open up itself to reason, and stubbornly cling on to our old and cherished beliefs. And this itself had claimed many souls through the passage of time.

A posited counter-argument to this would be that they did examine the new idea, but found its reason flawed and unacceptable. The primary basis of all our knowledge is but our beliefs, for the three conditions of truth, belief and justification can all be simplified into just that. And it is because of the differences of the beliefs that we hold that an argument could seem sound to one, but unsound to another. Perhaps the truth would be that all arguments have its soundness, but it is subject to the individual’s beliefs to accept its soundness or not. However, for my own two cents, beliefs that had been shown to be fallacious time and time again is not worth to be protected, and should but be discarded in search of the higher truth.

This is, of course, assuming again the existence of a higher truth; of which we can neither confirm nor deny. Does this not show that the higher truth itself is behaving as a spoilt child who amuses itself by watching us struggle in our feeble attempts to find it and finds entertainment in the frustration and ignorance of others and the enlightenment of itself? Or would it be more comforting to think the personification of this truth is an almighty being that is merely trying not to interfere and letting us grow to our own capabilities, such as a parent letting a child fall off its bike so that the mistake and lesson could be learnt? If the latter is true, then, is not the absence of the parent better to facilitate the growth process? Sure… We could go astray, but if it is almighty and is afraid of that probability, why give us the possibility in the first place?

Here, reason fails itself, and that is also the reason that I choose the former to be true on the exact reasoning that the truth cannot exist outside the boundary of reason; but that again is another long story. Such as demonstrated, perhaps I do belong in an asylum, but sometimes, the ravings of a half-sane person have its truths too, and is perhaps more penetrating than others, as perhaps is also demonstrated here, should you have read and accepted this lengthy entry. But then again, it could just be that I am sleepy. A very good night to you all.

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