One-Liners

Ranging from funny to downright philosophical, but don’t flame me if they don’t suit your taste. Enjoy…

  • I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
  • Take everything in moderation. Including moderation. (Paradox)
  • Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy. (I wish…)
  • Wear a watch and you’ll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you’ll never be sure.
  • Birthdays are good for you – the more you have the longer you live.
  • In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (Especially true in Malaysia)
  • Most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked.
  • The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
  • A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them. (Maybe I will try)
  • All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
  • To err is human. To forgive is against company policy. (Ouch!)
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Don’t really get this :P)
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. (KI students…)
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. (To all the researchers out there)
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • Change is inevitable except from vending machines. (Happens most of the time)
  • If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
  • Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. (Is it true?)
  • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed? (Requires some thinking)
  • Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”? (Uh-oh…)
  • If people from Poland are called “Poles”, why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes”? (No offense to Netherlanders, but I choked on this one)
  • If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands? (Tribute to all mothers out there)
  • Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.
  • Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back. (Sound advice)
  • Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • All generalizations are false, including this one. (Another paradox)
  • Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply. (A test for those who apply)
  • Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else (What’s the point then? Haha)
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